


Telus

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Doctor Who: Eighth Doctor Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Adventure, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 14:18:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is from 2007 and dedicated to all those times, when, being seriously tired or overly stressed out, we completely over-react to situations, that under normal circumstances, we would have reacted to with considerably more decorum - no matter how upset we were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Telus

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this story is pronounced with a long "e" and refers only to the predicament the Doctor finds himself in on Telus. It has been mistakenly believed to relate to a similar sounding name, but that's not the case.

TELUS

Sam watched as the Doctor set his empty teacup on the console and make off for the TARDIS kitchens - again! She mentally groaned. He'd spent the majority of the day tinkering with his beloved "Old Girl", muttering and hardly talking to her (Sam), making endless pots of tea - a different sort every time! He must have gone through every variety he possessed. And, as a consequence, making endless trips to the "little boy's room". She'd never seen him this jittery and restless. Something was different. Normally, when restless, he'd just ask her if she wanted to go somewhere, then announce they should try somewhere new, enter in the co-ordinates to some mystery planet and off they'd go, getting themselves into all sorts of fun, trouble and adventure. But what was happening now? Sam had half a mind to tackle him to the floor and demand an explanation.

Suddenly, he turned and actually spoke to her!

"I need a refill for my snugpress flangewaffle. I thought I had plenty of extravirgin pomfraisementhe reduction for it, but I seem to be out. According to the data banks, a planet called, "Telus", has an abundance of it. Hmm, Telus. Sounds strangely familiar. Can't think why. Anyway, fancy a trip? I just HAVE to know why the place sounds familiar!" His ice-blue eyes twinkled at her. He was up to something - as per usual.

Sam gave him the most extraordinary look. "What in the name of blueberry stout is a skigpurse flingwazzle? Or whatever the friggin' thing is."

The Doctor gave her his thousand-watt smile and tossed his lovely tousled chestnut curls. "Snugpress flangewaffle. It's a delightful little gem I picked up a while back on a planet called, "Lecitose Trisbitan". It does an incredible job of keeping the TARDIS's translator translating. There's a bit left, but I'm not sure how long that will last. Anyway, I can't pronounce its proper name. It's very complicated - worse than Welsh. I just call it a "snugpress flangewaffle". It's as close as I can get, to what the Lecitosans call it. I'd go back to Lecitose Trisbitan for more of the reduction, but Telus is closer. And, as I said, I'm curious as to why the place sounds familiar. Shall we go?"

"Anything to keep you from spending the whole day mucking about with the console and hibernating in the bathroom from all that tea-drinking!" Sam received, firstly a bug-eyed look, then a somewhat hurt look from the Doctor. "Doctor, you're obviously restless and I think you know more about Telus than you're letting on. You need some action! You're like Sherlock Holmes without a problem to solve. So, YES! Let's go! I could use a bit of action myself. Don't look so sad. I was only teasing about your hibernating." She smiled. He cheered up, anxious to get going.

"I must admit to being a bit restless, though." He paused. "Why do you think I know more about Telus than I'm letting on?" He asked, speaking just a bit too quickly. "I've never been there." He stood in the doorway and, with a slightly mischievous twinkle in his baby blues, he waved her through.

As Sam walked through the doors, she said, simply, "Body language. Speaks volumes in your case. Oh, and, btw, I was only partially teasing about the bathroom and the tea." She scooted out the door. He followed with a puzzled, "What?"

********

Sam thought they'd walked into Kew Gardens on steroids! She just gaped at all the lush greenery that met their eyes on exiting the TARDIS. If the humidity and temperature had been higher, Sam would have thought the whole of Telus must have been one big rainforest. Even the Doctor seemed a bit taken aback. There were trees that looked like willows and even a few that resembled palm trees. Flowers and shrubs were in abundance as well. The place did resemble a tropical paradise. The Doctor, who normally didn't seem much affected by temperature, had actually taken his velvet coat off and had slung it over his shoulder. He'd just bent down to examine some lily-like flowers...

...when they were jumped from above. Before they'd even had a chance to see what their attackers looked like, they'd been jabbed with needles and rendered unconscious. Their attackers bundled them away. In the scuffle, the Doctor had dropped his velvet coat and it had been left behind, lying carelessly over a shrub.

********

They woke sometime later, and found themselves on straw mats under a thatched roof. Their clothes were gone and they were clad in nothing but aqua knee-length tunics. Both had headaches and the spot where the needles had gone in itched like crazy. But as their arms and legs were tied down, there wasn't much they could do about it. Still, apart from the itching and the headaches, they both appeared to be fine. They looked up to see a humanoid-looking individual approach, dressed in a similar tunic, but in a sort of orangey colour. He leant over, firstly Sam, then the Doctor, and attached an object to the back of each left ear. The object looked like a hearing aid with a hook arrangement that fitted round the ear. The man pressed a control on the device and then spoke.

"My name is Joh. I have been designated your guide while you are on Telus. The device I have given you both is a translator." At this point, the Doctor became puzzled, wondering why the TARDIS's translator wasn't working, then remembered about the low level of the PFM reduction. He opened his mouth to speak, when Joh raised a hand. "I will answer any questions you may have later. Now, I wish to apologise for your introduction to Telus and hope you were not unduly harmed. I'm afraid we can't have unauthorised individuals interfering with our native flora. It has become necessary to apprehend visitors as soon as possible after they arrive. You see, our plant life can be poisonous to humanoid species."

The Doctor and Sam gasped. They looked at each other and then at Joh. "What??" They chorused.

Joh sighed. It was a standard reaction he'd seen innumerable times. "You will be taken to your accommodation. There you will rest and have a meal. After which, I will answer any queries and, in the morning, guide you around Telus."

It was the Doctor's turn to sigh. "I could do with a nice cup of tea right about now."

Sam spoke for the first time since they'd come to. "I could do with a drink!"

Joh looked at them sadly. "That could be a problem. I assume, Miss, by a "drink", you mean alcohol. We have none on Telus. Nor do we have tea." The Doctor looked stricken. He stared at Joh and almost looked as though he might actually cry. Joh looked at him and repeated. "As I said, I will answer questions after you've rested." He began to undo their restraints. A couple of, presumably, guards arrived to accompany the Doctor and Sam to their quarters. Joh led the way. Both captives were thoroughly baffled and not a little frightened. The Doctor realised now what he'd remembered reading about Telus and he wasn't happy.

********

Their quarters turned out to be identical to the gazebo-like structure they'd woken up in. The walls consisted of a thin muslin-like material that was tied at either end of the bamboo-like corner poles. Not the most substantial looking accommodation. The two captives hoped the place didn't have anything resembling typhoons. Added to the fact that it was only one empty room with a pair of straw mats on the floor and no obvious "facilities" made things very interesting. Joh, however, didn't seem the least bit bothered - or shy! He waved the Doctor to one of the mats and, before sitting on the other one, took hold of Sam's arm and pulled her down onto his lap! Without so much as a by-your-leave! At the captives' boggling faces and Sam's furious, but futile, squirming, Joh explained. "There will be another sleeping mat ordered for you, Miss. It shall arrive soon. We previously had only one visitor, a male, in this particular hut, and as all the other guest huts are filled, we have put you here and have ordered another mat to be constructed. All visitors must be supervised at all times, due to a preponderance of night-thieving of our plants - with disastrous results." Sam, in a furious burst of speed and strength, put her fist to good use and escaped Joh's clutches. The Doctor was shocked, but not surprised. Leave it to Sam to use that technique! Joh was howling in pain!

"SAM! STOP! I..." But Sam was not listening.

"I'll sit on the floor, you friggin' bloody fool!" She was not amused. The Doctor started give her a little warning.

"Sam, I know you're understandably a bit upset, but I don't think you should..."

"TOO BLOODY RIGHT, I'M UPSET! How DARE he..." She interrupted herself and grumbled to the Doctor. "What was all THAT about, eh?" She said, hooking a thumb in Joh's direction. Joh had calmed down to the point where he was now quietly sobbing. He stared at Sam, unable to know what to make of this very angry alien female. The Doctor looked at her.

"Sam. Sam. Sam! Take it easy. You're over-reacting. And," He raised his eyebrows at her. "I think you owe Joh an apology. He clearly didn't mean any harm or offense. Did you, Joh?" The Doctor smiled at Joh. "Don't mind her. She's just been in a mood all day. Restless. Jittery. Human women get like that, but they're basically harmless - sort of." He grinned at Sam, but with a somewhat "Sam will be Sam" look in his eyes.

Sam knew what the Doctor was doing and why. He was using his usual tack of talking rubbish to defuse a tense situation. She wasn't sure whether to strangle him or hug him. In the end, she let fly with a fairly loud, "ARGH!", startling the daylights out of poor Joh. She turned to him. "I'm sorry. You just caught me off-guard. I realise we have a clash of cultures here. It's okay. I promise I won't freak out again. Well, not at any Telusians, anyway. Him, " She looked pointedly at the Doctor, "Him, I'm not so sure about. So, what is all this palaver about sleeping mats, anyway?"

Joh, still somewhat leery of Sam, but accepting her apology, explained about the Telusian respect and subsequent customs regarding, what he called, "protecting the delicate physical abilities of the female body". The Doctor blushed, then facepalmed, shaking his head. He knew what Sam's reaction to that could very well be. But, Sam, bless her, kept her word and most of her temper. She merely gave Joh a rather exasperated look and said,

"Don't tell me. You lot are into all that sexist crap, right?" The Doctor groaned. Sam had a way with words - and it wasn't delicate. Joh just uttered the Telusian equivalent of, "Huh?" Sam caught the Doctor's face. "All right. All right. I know, local customs and beliefs that may different to our own. That we might find difficult to understand. Like, for example, you explained why, since the last occupant of this hut was male, you needed to get a "female" mat for me." She gave a minute shake of her head, thinking that separate male and female style mats were a little unnecessary, not to mention bizarre sounding to her. "So why couldn't I just sit on the Doctor's lap? That makes the most sense to me." Joh started to explain about it being the Telusians way of accepting visitors when Sam held up a hand. "It's all right. More local customs. Oh all right. When in Rome..." She started towards Joh, who had not quite recovered from Sam's earlier protest and was a bit torn between honouring the customs of his people and wanting the pain to subside first. He was saved from the dilemma when the extra sleeping mat arrived. All three breathed a sigh of relief. The Doctor was beginning to realise there was more to worry about on Telus than the unimaginable concept of no tea. He and Sam would have a lot to talk about that night, if they could, somehow, manage a private chat. He didn't want to think about the ticking-off he was in for back in the TARDIS when Sam found out that he'd remembered what he'd read about Telus.

********

Joh sent the guards away, with instructions for a meal for their newest guests. Whilst they waited, Joh answered a few questions. The Doctor had remembered reading some unimaginable account of Telus not having tea, but he had refused to believe it could ever be true. No tea?? Unthinkable. Well, it not only seemed to be absolutely true, but the reason for the unthinkable circumstances threw the poor Doctor into complete terror! Sam noticed his eyes start to glisten. She knew he would be entirely capable of breaking down, given how much he adored his beloved tea. Mindful of the local customs, she, still sitting on her mat, slid it over close to the Doctor, ready to comfort him from one of his worst nightmares. She found the situation pretty hard to believe herself. It seemed that no plant on Telus could be put into boiling water as it caused the plant to release a dangerous and deadly chemical. Many Telusians in the past had died from trying to disprove the discovery. Now no one attempted to make any sort of hot drink from the local flora. Visitors to the planet needed to be apprehended and minded throughout their entire stay. They could never be left alone for a minute. Especially, visitors from the area of Earth known as "England". These visitors had attempted to make tea from anything! They were incorrigible! Many had paid the price. If they were lucky, they just got very ill. If not, they'd ended their days on Telus. Joh recognised Sam's accent and knew she would need extra watching. Little did he know what the Doctor was capable of in his desire for tea. Poor Joh.

At the moment, as he listened to Joh, the Doctor was becoming more and more horrified and finally, and, quite literally, went into shock. He just sat rigid, with a terribly blank look on his face. Joh looked frightened out of his wits. Had he killed his visitor by just talking to him?? Sam immediately reached over, and applying an old-fashioned Earth cure for shock, slapped the Doctor hard across the face. He started, caught his breath and began sobbing uncontrollably. Sam held him as close as she could while he calmed down. She hated that method for dealing with shock, but hadn't come up with anything better. Joh looked on in horror. What had he done??

Sam saw Joh's face. "He'll be fine. He just went into shock on finding out he's going to have to spend his time on Telus without his favourite beverage. This has got to be his worst nightmare." She said, trying to dry the Doctor's tears with her hands as best she could. She couldn't help wondering if this was what the Doctor hadn't told her about Telus. If he knew, why had he brought them here? If he had known, she was going to have a few things to say to him when they got back to the TARDIS. She inwardly growled.

Their meal arrived. It was a simple meal of bread and assorted fruits and raw vegetables. There was water and fruit juice to drink. Sam took one of the cotton napkins and used it to more effectively dry the Doctor's tears. He was still a bit shook up, but calming down. After all, he reckoned to himself, they could always go back to the TARDIS and get some tea. He was a tiny bit ashamed of himself for panicking, but the idea of having to do without tea altogether was just too horrible to contemplate.

During the meal, which was quite good, Joh explained a few things further. Things like how something in the atmosphere of Telus had caused the dangerous change to the soil and, subsequently, the plants. The Telusian scientists feared the change was permanent.

"So, the plants used to be all right for making tea?" The Doctor asked, hoping they might be again. Otherwise, he was not likely to return to Telus.

"Yes. The problem occurred several generations ago. We are still not clear on what changed the atmosphere and brought about its effect on the plant life. Our people have adapted. It's largely visitors we are concerned with now." Joh reached for what resembled a large purple carrot and thoughtfully munched away.

"Might I have a sample of the soil? I could take it to the lab in my ship and analyse it. I have some very advanced equipment there. I might be able to help you." The Doctor said.

"Your ship? By ship, do you mean the tall blue box found near you both when you were apprehended? I'm afraid it needed impounding. Our caution in dealing with off-planet visitors must be vigilant. I am sorry, but we won't be able to release the vessel until it has been inspected. It must be kept in strict quarantine until you leave. I am truly sorry. "

Sam knew this news was almost guaranteed to upset the Doctor again, but when she looked at him, he'd just closed his eyes in sheer disappointment. He drew a breath. They'd just have to make the best of things and hope the inspection wouldn't take long. The Telusians would only be making an outer inspection, anyway. They would be unable to get into the TARDIS. He sighed. At least, there might be an adventure or two to make the time go quickly. That was one thing to look forward to. And he would like to meet other Telusians and see what they were like. All wasn't lost. It would still be an interesting venture.

The meal ended and Joh stood up. "I must go meet with our High Minister, Lattamen, and plan your tour of Telus. You must rest now. Javeian will be your night minder. May you sleep well and wake refreshed in the morning." Joh then left.

Javeian was an extremely large man. He must have been seven feet tall. He wore the same tunic as Joh, but in a green colour. He looked wide awake and very much the vigilant type. It was going to be difficult for the Doctor and Sam to talk privately. Still they could try.

Javeian was able to speak. They'd heard him acknowledging Joh's instructions to him. However, he never said a word. After Joh left, the big man took up a position near the entrance and never moved for, presumably, the whole night. He watched the captives continually. Sam thought his eyes must have hurt dreadfully. He didn't even appear to have blinked - not even once, that she could see. Javeian didn't seem to care where the captives sat or slept, so long as they didn't attempt to leave the hut. So the Doctor and Sam slid their mats over to the far side of the hut and managed a semi-private chat, after all.

The most awkward part of the arrangement was if any one of the three needed to answer a "call of nature", the other two had to go along. Javeian made this clear without saying a word. It was pretty difficult, especially for Sam. While Javeian had the courtesy not to stand directly over her, he wasn't far away. The Doctor was his usual gentlemanly self. It was not the most agreeable arrangement for either of them. Javeian was used guarding possibly wayward off-worlders and didn't turn a hair. Both Sam and the Doctor were hoping that the inspection of the TARDIS wouldn't take long and, also, that the rest of the stay would be a bit less complicated and embarrassing.

During their semi-private chat, Sam and the Doctor discussed ways of coping with Telusian customs. Sam told the Doctor she would wait to talk to him about "certain things" until after they'd returned to the TARDIS. He thought that was what she'd do and he knew what "things" she wanted to talk about. He was in trouble.

The pair fell asleep sometime later. They had no idea if Javeian slept. In the morning, when Joh brought their breakfast, Javeian was still at his post and still wide awake. Curiouser and curiouser.

The morning meal consisted of some of the same foods as their evening meal, except there were no vegetables. The bread was different, though. It was a rusty colour and tasted decidedly like tomatoes. It was very good.

After the meal, Joh took them through the greenery to a savannah approximately four or five acres in size. So, Telus wasn't all tropical forest, after all. thought Sam. At the opposite side of the savannah, several dozen female Telusians were gathering fruit from a variety of trees and bushes. As the trio approached, and before anyone could say anything, almost everyone of them dropped their baskets and rushed over to inspect the aliens - in particular, the Doctor.

The women of Telus were no more shy than Joh had been. Hands reached out to touch every part of this handsome alien, with his shoulder-length chestnut curls, his bright blue eyes and his slender, attractive body. They'd never seen the like. They pressed forward, hands outstretched. The Doctor went down under the sheer weight of their numbers. Sam freaked and turned to Joh.

"Do something! Please! They'll smother him!" Sam pleaded. Joh just smiled. He knew the women had no wish to harm the Doctor, they were just curious about all aliens. The Doctor was a particular treat.

By the time the Doctor had managed to extricate himself, and adjust his tunic, he reckoned these Telusian women were experts on his entire body. A couple of them had accidentally touched a ticklish area and when he laughed, they seemed extraordinarily delighted and continued to tickle him, delighting in his infectious laughter. They ran their hands through his curls, marvelling at their softness. His cool skin was another fascination. Telus was a warm planet and the Doctor's cool skin was a true novelty. They caused him no physical pain, they just wouldn't keep their hands off! Their ministrations actually felt quite pleasant. He came out of their clutches, almost reluctantly, having received a fairly decent massage! It still wasn't compensation for having to do without tea or the TARDIS, but it helped him feel much better!

Sam stood watching the antics of the Doctor's new "fan club" with her arms folded across her chest and looking not a little jealous. She should be used to it by now. The Doctor fascinated women across the universe - no, across the multiverse! Her jealousy wasn't helped any by the "cat-with-a-saucer-of-grade A-cream" look the Doctor had on his face. He saw her expression, coughed, and turned to Joh. Joh clapped his hands and the women, sighing, reluctantly went back to their work. Every one of them hoped to see the Doctor again.

"Another "local custom"?" Sam turned to Joh, giving him a raised eyebrow.

"Not as a rule." He grinned. "Come, we must move on. Our one major body of water, the "Chaikoe Sea", is just through the next part of the forest. Our primary city, "Arabicansus", is beside it. Come, it is nearly time for the Flickheader Dragons to feed. It is a most enjoyable process. We must hurry though, as they only come out to feed once a mooncycle." Joh led them through the trees.

The Doctor and Sam looked at each other. "Dragons??" They chorused. They hoped the dragons were the Earth/Chinese sort and not the fairytale type.

"Why are they called, "Flickheader"?" The Doctor enquired.

"They hold their prey in their teeth and flick it from side-to-side before they eat it. Presumably to make sure it's dead. They're omnivores. They eat anything." Joh announced casually. "It's best if we get up close. Let us hurry." He didn't notice his companions apprehensive looks. A potential dragon's lunch - lovely.

********

Arabicansus was looked very much like a tropical city on Earth. It was fairly large. Understandably, as it was near a large body of water. The Chaikoe Sea was a beautiful turquoise colour and the sands surrounding it were the palest of green in colour. It was truly awe-inspiring. The city was very clean. There were many outdoor markets with a panoply of colourful and varied merchandise.

The main mode of transport consisted of self-powered vehicles that resembled white egg chairs on wheels with an extended bar to the double wheel arrangement in front. Motion was achieved by right and left chains that resembled the chains that operated old-fashioned lavatories and appeared to send wireless signals to the wheels. There were a number of chains on either side, just long enough to reach but not long enough to get in the way when not being used. Each one had a different steering purpose. The driver, who's feet simply rested on the floor of the vehicle, not needed for steering, sat on a seat styled like a conventional earth-type bicycle seat. They were the most extraordinary contraptions and capable of surprisingly good speed.

Joh ushered Sam and the Doctor to one of the vehicles which took them on a fascinating journey through the city towards the seaside. Sam and the Doctor tried to look in every direction at once. There was so much to see, they almost forgot what they were on their way to see. Arabicansus was a city who's people certainly enjoyed themselves. There was even dancing in the streets. Music was everywhere. Joh informed them that they were welcome to join in after witnessing the Flickheader's feeding time. "If we don't become the dragon's lunch first." thought Sam. The Doctor was like a child in a sweet shop, looking at everything he could, waving at the people and even attempting to la-la-la along to the music!

They arrived at the seaside. They weren't the only ones. A real crowd had gathered and had staked out places just inside the tree cover rimming the sand. Joh found himself and his charges places as well.

"I've got ask. You said that this dragon is an omnivore. Does that include people?" Sam enquired.

"In the distant past, there were one or two tragedies, but as the account of them was passed down through the generations, people just instinctively sought cover in the trees. If one stays still, one is quite safe enough. The dragon senses food by motion." Joh informed them.

"Holy Rassilon! What a magnificent creature! I've got to take a closer look!" The Doctor started to step forward when Sam grabbed his collar and, carefully putting a hand over his mouth, hissed in his ear.

"Didn't you hear? If the dragon senses you, you're dragon chow! Sit still!" She gently uncovered his mouth.

"Sorry." The Doctor barely whispered. "But isn't that one of the most incredible creatures you've ever seen?" He looked at it in complete rapture.

The Flickheader Dragon was indeed an incredible sight. Well over twelve meters in height and, although resembling the Chinese variety of dragon, it appeared to have a temperament resembling the fairytale dragons of Earth. The giant rainbow of colours with teeth a meter and a half in length bore down on a helpless lizard-like creature a quarter of its size. It was a horrifying, but fascinating, spectacle to watch as the Flickheader held the lizard between its teeth and violently flung its head from side-to-side. The lizard in its teeth flopped up and down like a ship in the Roaring Forties. The prey's copper-coloured blood went everywhere! Then, satisfied that its prey was definitely dead, the Flickheader swallowed it in one gulp, then went for a second helping. After consuming a good dozen hapless creatures, the Flickheader headed for the turquoise water of the Chaikoe Sea. In seconds, the surface of the water bore no trace of the awesome creature.

The audience cowering in the trees sat in stunned silence, though thoroughly fascinated by the spectacle. The Doctor just stared out to sea in amazement. He seemed to have forgotten how to speak - unusual for him. It was several minutes before Sam could say anything at all. She finally turned to Joh and, still shaken, asked him, "Does that thing live in the Chaikoe Sea? If it does, I think I'll pass on swimming there, if you don't mind."

"It goes directly to its lair more than 500 meters down and won't surface to feed again until the next mooncycle. Then it uses an underwater path to a tunnel through the forest far down on the beach. Its movements have been felt for generations, so we have fair warning when it's approaching. Such a magnificent spectacle, don't you agree?" Sam had no words to answer his question. The Doctor was still staring out to sea. Although he could now be heard muttering, "Great Rassilion" over and over.

********

The trip back through the city was a more leisurely journey on foot. Joh told his slowly recovering companions a few more titbits about the Flickheader. Part of the fascination with the creature stemmed from the fact that it was the only violent element to Telus. Telusians were a peaceful people, by and large.

Sam grinned, as she swallowed the last bite of her glamstone fruit. A slightly sugary pink fruit that looked like a thick daisy and tasted delightful, but like nothing she'd ever had before. "Flickheaders do make guards with hypodermic needles look pretty passive, don't they?"

The Doctor bit into his second glamstone fruit. "Yes," He said slowly, then grinned. "They do." Even Joh had to smile a little. They had a point, they did.

After their little snack was over, they went to a stall selling some exquisite cotton fabrics. Whilst they were admiring the fine cloth, they heard some distinct laughter - of the female variety. They turned to see more Telusian women giggling and pointing at the Doctor. Sam groaned. These were different women to those on the savannah earlier. These women appeared to favour a sneak attack, though they weren't particularly good at it. They just couldn't seem to help coming out of hiding to steal glances at the Doctor. After a few moments they gave it up and started to inch over in the trio's direction.

One woman, who seemed to be the leader, came up to the Doctor and placing her hands on his upper arms, spun him round. She looked him straight in the eyes, grinned enigmatically and announced, "I'm called "Cinnensea". You look good to indulge." If there had been any doubts about what she meant by "indulge", they dissipated as soon as she reached round and pinched him! He yelped and Cinnensea giggled. "My sisters agree with me." The look in her eyes cleared that statement up as well. Sam came dangerously close to breaking her promise to Joh. She wasn't about to let half a dozen alien women get THAT close to HER best friend!

Meanwhile, the victim himself had got as far as gently removing three or four pairs of very inquisitive hands from various parts of his body. Joh never said a word. He seemed riveted to the scene. Apparently, this was yet another "local-custom-that-was-a-mystery-to-off-worlders". Sam, although it took great effort for her not to karate-kick her way through the lot of them, insinuated herself between the Doctor and his latest fan club and, in no uncertain terms, told the women, "He's mine." The women knew she meant business by the look in her eyes. They fled! Joh gaped. He would never understand Earth females - ever! They never seemed to want to share their men! The Doctor chuckled.

"Sam, ever think of taking up a position as a bouncer in a wrestling arena? You'd be fabulous at it." He collapsed into uncontrollable laughter. Sam growled.

"Hey! I just rescued you from who knows what sort of perverted practises and you think it's funny?"

"Yes, you did, Sam. And, believe me, I am grateful. But I do see the funny side of it."

Sam had to laugh. She could, too, now that she thought about it. Joh coughed. He'd just given up on trying to fathom these two aliens. They were in a class by themselves. He just decided it was time to get back to their quarters. It was growing dark, after all.

********

Back at their hut, after the evening meal, the Doctor and Sam watched Joh give instructions to their night guards. Joh wasn't taking any chances, now that he'd seen more of his two guests. He was doubling their guard. Joh left eventually, taking the remains of the meal with him, but he left the water bottles. That was to be a big mistake.

********

The two guards were actually a guard and his charge - a trainee. Like their predecessor, they never spoke a word. The Doctor and Sam took up the same positions as the previous night. They spoke quietly for a while and then went to sleep. Some time in the night, the Doctor awoke. He was somewhat restless and thought if he gazed at the night sky, maybe he might fall asleep again, later. Sam slept peacefully beside him. She looked so young. He smiled down at her. Then he looked towards the guards. They were both asleep! He started thinking. Now was his chance. He looked at his water bottle. He looked through a seam in the muslin-like walls. He started thinking. No one said he couldn't have iced tea. There were still a few cubes left in the bucket, which Joh had also forgot to remove. He gently untied one of the walls from its pole. It was just large enough for him to slip through. He snuck out and went over to some interesting looking bushes, grateful for his excellent night vision. He gathered a few leaves and going back into the hut, he took his water bottle and added the leaves. He shook the contents up thoroughly. Then he realised he would need a way to strain the "tea". He glanced around and saw that one of the guards' water bottles was empty. He poured his concoction into the second bottle and then he noticed that one of the cotton napkins had also been left behind. He spread it over his own bottle and pour the tea into it. Then he wiped out the leaves from the guard's bottle and replaced it by his side, along with the napkin. Then he added ice to his tea and sat back to enjoy his favourite beverage, at least in some form. The other occupants slept through the whole thing.

He took a sip. Not bad. It would do until he got back to the TARDIS. He drank his tea and afterwards, fell back to sleep, thoroughly relieved.

********

The next morning, Sam went to wake the Doctor, who seemed to be sleeping very soundly. She couldn't wake him. She tried everything. Shaking him, slapping him, shouting at him. Nothing. She shook one of the sleeping guards and demanded help. The trainee ran off.

He came back with Joh and Lattamen. Lattamen noticed the Doctor's near empty water bottle and its extremely suspicious looking contents. He frowned. The Doctor suddenly groaned and then threw up. He was looking decidedly red. He was ill. Very ill. They took him to a physician. The contents of the bottle were analysed. How had he made tea?? Sam, quite frightened, but knowing the Doctor, said he must have somehow gone out in the night and got some leaves and made it in his water bottle, thinking that iced tea would be harmless. How wrong he was. She told Lattamen how she'd found the guards both asleep when she'd woken up. They must have fallen asleep during the night and the Doctor, having woken up, had seen his chance and taken it. Joh and Lattamen both sighed.

"If he pulls through, we are really going to have watch this one. He's worse than the English!" Lattamen shook his head. He didn't really blame the Doctor for trying. The guards, though, were really for it. Falling asleep was a serious matter. He looked down at the Doctor sadly. Iced tea?? Very inventive, but, curiously, not safe, either. The Doctor was right, though. Iced tea made the way he'd done it, should have been safe. It must have been something in the Doctor's make-up that caused him to become so seriously ill. Sam was seriously frightened. She asked over and over if he'd be all right. They could only give her the same answer every time. They'd do their best.

********

In the end, the Doctor was very ill and bedridden for nearly a week. Sam never left his side. He was also guarded by Telusians as well. At first, he'd thrown up several times a day. Partly due to the drink he'd made, and partly due to the various medications he'd been given. After three or four days of this, Sam, remembering something she'd read years ago, and that the Doctor was a Time Lord, suggested they just let him rest and keep an eye on him. To help him, the Telusian physician insisted on giving him injections of a sleeping draught every time he woke up. Sam wasn't thrilled, but he did need the rest. With all the trauma, she seriously hoped he wouldn't regenerate. That would be too much!

The latest "cure" did the trick. After about a week, the Doctor was still weak, but recovering quite well. He sat up in bed and discussed his ordeal with Sam. He agreed with Sam's assessment that it was his particular make-up that had caused all the trouble!

Sam shook her head and smiled at him. "Trust you to take measures THAT drastic, just for the sake of tea!"

"Am I in a lot of trouble with the Telusians?" He enquired, somewhat ruefully. His chestnut curls hid his downcast eyes.

"Nah, not really. They reckon the mistake was its own penalty. Now those two guards, on the other hand, are in big trouble!" She giggled. "Fancy BOTH of them falling asleep! Oh, knickers! I'm not going to forget this trip! Ever!" They both laughed.

With wonderful timing, the inspection of the TARDIS had been completed on the same day as the Doctor left the medical hut. No one believed it was entirely co-incidence! Joh led them through the forest to an area some distance from where they'd arrived on Telus. On the way there, there was to be yet one more adventure, but not before the Doctor had got more of his PFM reduction for the snugpress flangewaffle. He slung the sack carrying it over his shoulder and they left the medical hut.

********

They were crossing an area of meadow, smaller than the savannah they'd travelled earlier in their visit. It soon became apparent that the ground had an inordinate amount of holes in it. They were quite large, about a meter in circumference. The Doctor asked Joh what had caused them.

Joh replied, "The Giant Unitrapper lays her eggs by dropping them from above into the ground. The force buries the eggs until they are ready to hatch. After hatching all at once, the chicks immediate fly off to migrate to the other side of the land. The egg-laying won't take place for several mooncycles yet. Do not worry."

"Must be tough eggs, if she hurls from that high." Sam remarked.

"The shells are quite strong, yes. And about as thick as my arm. They are an extraordinary bird and another spectacle, you might have enjoyed, if you'd been able to stay." Joh actually looked rather sad, that the Doctor and Sam wouldn't be seeing yet another Telusian attraction. Be careful what you wish for...

Either Joh got his dates mixed up, or something caused a change in the birds' egg-laying season. At the sudden appalling noise, all three looked up to see a sight at least as fantastic as the Flickheader Dragon! And, as they would soon find out, only marginally less dangerous! Eggs the size of disco balls began raining down on them.

"Run!" Joh shouted. As if the Doctor and Sam needed telling! They pelted for cover as they were pelted with the giant eggs. Although narrowly missing them at times, the three managed to avoid any direct hits. Joh directed them to a small cave. They dashed inside!

Joh was totally baffled and apologised profusely. "I don't understand! They've never started this early. But we are safe now. They only use that one meadow."

"Are you sure?" Sam panted.

"Yes, quite sure. We may leave now. We are not far from the quarantine area." He stopped and pushed a button on his wrist device. "Would you excuse me a minute, please?" He read something on the tiny screen, then turned towards them. "It seems we must detour. There has been a need to respray along the road we need to travel. It's just an insecticide, but people must keep away for a day. For safety's sake."

Sam groaned. She was getting anxious to get back to the TARDIS and get away from here. Even the Doctor was growing weary of Telus. Joh lead them in a completely different direction that wound up taking them near where they'd been first captured. It was long and circuitous, but it did have the advantage of bringing them right near the bush where the Doctor's velvet coat had fallen. He immediately snatched it up, like the old friend it was, and put it on over his aqua tunic. He looked happy, but bizarre. They'd completely forgot about the rest of their clothes. They now decided not to bother. The TARDIS had plenty of things in her vast wardrobe and they just wanted to be back home in her.

It took several more hours before they got to the quarantine area. The TARDIS was behind a huge barred bamboo fence. Joh got the key from the guard and the Doctor fairly flew at her! He'd taken the key from his coat pocket and had the door open before he'd even said his farewells. He hated goodbyes, but he knew he should say a proper farewell. Despite everything, it had been a very unusual experience. One neither he nor Sam would ever forget anytime soon. Still, it was a fairly quick farewell, but not forgetting to thank Joh for the PFM reduction and it left Joh gaping one last time. When he heard the TARDIS's elephantine dematerialisation noise and saw her disappear, he decided to retire from his post as guestminder and go and pick fruit with the women!

********

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor barely said hello to his beloved machine, before haring off to the kitchens for tea. If Sam thought his consumption was excessive before Telus, it was nothing to what he was trying to drink now! Added to the fact, he wandered round clutching a tea caddy to his chest with one hand and a cup of tea was never out of his other hand for several hours. It was also round about his tenth pot of tea, that Sam finally managed to persuade him to get dressed! And, even then she did the dressing! She got out the outfit he had worn on his last birthday. She loved him in his green velvet frock coat, blue wing-collared shirt, grey cravat, dark grey trousers and blue and green tapestry waistcoat. With his chestnut curls, he looked magnificent!

"You should have done this after your first pot of tea, Doctor." She giggled. He didn't even seem to notice his attire had changed. He was totally lost in his tea-drinking. She also, finally, persuaded him to park it at the kitchen table. She had to admit, she missed the brew herself. And the Doctor did make the best cup of tea, she'd ever had. And she did have to smile. He looked quite cute, cuddling his tea caddy as though it were a teddy bear. The slightly too large velvet frock coat and his curls tumbling down around his face and his shoulders just added to the effect and made him pretty damn appealing. She grinned, happily watching him.

They were discussing their adventure on Telus at the kitchen table. "Blue Moon" was playing in the background. Sam smiled. She knew what one of the Doctor's "loves" was and what he was like without it.

"You know where we need to go now, don't you, Doctor? We need to find a tea-crazed planet." She grinned cheekily. "That would suit you to a "T"!"

"OH! SAAAAM!!!!" He laughingly threw a biscuit at her.

"Hey, what about you? You knew about Telus, didn't you?" He looked a bit sheepishly at her. "You DID know! So why the BLOODY HELL did we go through all that?? I'm surprised you of all people would knowingly go to a place like that. Well?" She fixed him with a look that unnerved him. She seemed genuinely angry at him now.

"Well, I'd only remembered what I'd read after we got there. I really never have been there, I promise. And it was a closer place to get the PFM reduction."

"It would have been better to have gone to the other place for the reduction, wouldn't it? Instead, knowing what Telus...OH...MY...GOD! I should have realised earlier! "Telus"..."tea-less". You also knew about the name before we left, didn't you?" She gave him one of her famous "amusingly annoyed" looks.

"Well, I didn't think they MEANT it!" He ducked, just in time to avoid the tea caddy flying in his direction.

The End


End file.
